The teachers who taught me weren't cool.

I mostly liked school.
I loved it when I was in elementary school.
I tried way too hard in middle school.
It's arguable that I didn't try hard enough in high school.
But it's undeniable that I am not trying hard enough in college.

I didn't go to a single class last week.
not a one.
I'm taking 18 units this semester, so it's kind of a big deal.
I realized that, and I dropped world mythology.
things are getting better.

I went to almost every class this week.
and I survived. I'm really not sure what is happening with me.

I had a revelation my senior year of high school.
nothing matters.
I couldn't see the point of high school, college, a career, family, and all that comes with these things.
I fully became my atheistic, existential nihilist self. And I didn't really know what to do about it.

I kind of thought I'd get over the nihilism, because I was alright with the idea of injecting meaning into my own life.
but I've faltered a little.
I still don't know why I do the things I do everyday.

but I'm going to keep doing them until I figure it out.
this week was actually pretty good.
class isn't quite torture.
and I feel a little better after leaving the house at least once every day.
I'm still trying to figure it all out.
but I figure that's pretty much what everyone is trying to do.

for now I'll just go to class and try not to be too startled by the Campus Sexual Abuse Free Environment proponents creeping up on me from behind some shrubs.

I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time.